The Secret To Happiness...Stop Worrying That You Don't Measure UP!

Think about it. If you never had a care in the world about dressing in the latest styles, if your hair was the "in color" if you drive the right car, or live in the right neighborhood, act perfect at church, have perfect kids at church, can brag everyday how great your marriage is.....if you didn't have to live up to any expectations....imagine how confident and unique you would show up in the world!!

I know some people will read this and think they don't care about what others think. I myself used to boast that I did what I wanted without concern of what others thought, but I've learned, that is not entirely true. I think at some level, we all behave in some manner in our life, in accordance with what we think is acceptable. I'm not saying everyone, all the time, but there is probably a little of this in all of us.

Imagine with me for a second though, a world where that was not the case. Everyone lived according to their own purpose. If everyone showed up in the world not trying to compete with anyone but truly embracing the differences and learning from one another. An example would be traveling to another country. Have you ever been to Europe or China or Africa?

When you go there, are you not in awe of what you see?

I realize there are some parts of these countries that we may not be so impressed with but when you're there, you are admiring the buildings, the culture, the clothing, enjoying the food. In those moments, you are embracing the uniqueness of that culture. You are also not worried so much about what you look like because you already know you're different from them, you come from another part of the world. Maybe I'm different but when I travel, I enjoy the touristy stuff (because its what I know and I'm comfortable) but I always want to go see the "real" area. When I go to Mexico, my all inclusive resort is very nice, but I also enjoy going into the town where the locals live and meeting the real people who live there. Why? Because I learn from them. I learn about another culture and way of life. I don't necessarily always learn from people who are just like me. I appreciate their way of life and leave with a new appreciation for what I have and for who they are.

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When you are on away from your everyday surroundings, without the pressure of life and expectations, we experience life totally different don't we? We're actually looking around, walking slower, relaxing more, smiling more, more loving to our family. Am I right? I know its because we're on vacation but I think it's a lot deeper than that.

We aren't competing!! There is no need to keep up with the Jones's when you're in another place where you don't know the neighbors or the people around you. You can go out on the beach or for a walk in your shorts and flip flops, hair in a ponytail and you don't care so much, no one knows you. You're probably never going to see those people again. You've even said that last line before haven't you?

We have turned into a society that competes. Blacks against whites. Women against women. Kids in school even bully other kids because they don't look the same or act the same. Religion and Politics cause so much divide and it mostly boils down to one person or race judging and competing against the other.

You are ok just the way you are. You can put your guard down. You don't have to compete with me. I respect you more if you just are who you are. I don't want to compete with anyone because I'm probably going to fail trying to measure up. I'll exhaust myself when I could have put that energy into showing up into the world with the gifts and talents I was meant to bring.

It is ok if you don't like to watch the Cubs or drink cocktails on Friday night. It's ok if you prefer to be a vegan, or don't want a dog or if you want to be single instead of married, or you are ok with living in a neighborhood that isn't the most popular. The people who love you will still love you and the ones who judge you never truly loved you - for the real you anyway.

If you truly want to live happy, begin to shred any expectations you have placed on yourself that you have thought you had to live up to. I promise a huge weight will be lifted from your shoulders. Now, with that being said, will some people give you grief over it or make comments about your new found dopeness? The answer is YES.

You may lose a few people that cannot accept that you are rising above and becoming the person you really are on the inside and that is ok because they were not your people. Sometimes we have people around us or friends that like us only because we're acting and performing in the same way they do. If you change that, they may not like it. You will find new people who appreciate you for who you genuinely are.

With that being said, don't become an asshole that says whatever they think and feel and start treating people poorly. Some etiquette is still appreciated here!

Lose the judgement of others. Start appreciating people for exactly who they are. Everyone has a story about how they got to be who and where they are and if you don't know it, you have no right to assume or judge. Be kind to those who are different from you and every chance you get....listen to them. You just might learn something!!

The best way to truly make this shift in your life is to become more aware of any situation where you start to look at someone differently and judge them. Pay attention to that nudge in your spirit when you're starting to go along with something that you really don't want to do. If something feels uncomfortable in your gut, stop and think about if this is a person you want to be around or a thing you ACTUALLY want in your life. Does it align with you really want to be? If you want to be truly happy, you have to live your life aligned. If you hang around certain people or engage in activities that aren't aligned with where you really want to be in life...guess what? You won't ever get there.

My challenge for you today is to take inventory of who and what is in your life that may be keeping you from living your authentic truth. Maybe you're surrounded by great people but something still feels off. Reflect on how you see yourself and see if you're trying to BE perfect or measure up in some way that's not the truth about you. True wealth and peace come from showing up exactly who you are every day, in every area of your life.

Peace and Love,

Donna